If you are missing your special person during this festive period and struggle with the anticipation and excitement in the lead up to Christmas, then you are not alone.
Bereaved families tell us that they find this time of year really hard because they don’t feel ‘festive’ and often wish this period away saying “I want it over and done with”.
If you are recognising these thoughts and feelings then you may find the following ideas helpful:
You can also download these tips to read and share, if easier.
Keep things simple
The endless ‘to-do’ list can wait, try to take the pressure off yourself and ask for help. Sometimes there are so many demands on our time it can feel too much.
Don’t feel bad about saying ‘no’
We’re all pressured by advertisers into buying lots of things for our children at Christmas and there is a temptation to want to buy lots of presents for your child to ‘make them happy’ and to take the pain of their bereavement away. Try to stay within your financial limits. Your children just want to spend time with you, cook, read or draw together, go for a family walk, ride bikes or watch a film together.
Meeting up with friends
If you do make arrangements to meet up with friends, perhaps let them know that you may change your mind on the day. This helps you to take things at your own pace and to take time for yourself should things feel too overwhelming.
Look after yourself
Look for the things that nourish you, perhaps have a bath, listen to your favourite music or go for a walk along the beach.
Talk to your family about how they would like to remember the person that’s died
Doing something special to remember those who have died can be an important part of Christmas day and a great comfort for some families. You may wish to continue a tradition, or start a new one. What matters most is that, as far as possible, you are able to do whatever feels right for you and your family, and, if you decide on Christmas day that you don’t want to do the thing you have planned, then that’s ok too. Here are some ideas you might like to try:
- Light a candle
- Listen to their favourite song, or eat their favourite food
- Visit a significant place
- Go on their favourite walk
- Put an item on the Christmas tree in their memory. For example: you can make a bauble in their memory
Talk to someone close to you
Share what’s on your mind with family or friends. Talking to someone close to you can really help to ease feelings of loneliness, and if you and your family need extra help then please contact us here at Families in Grief. We are here for you and your children.