It doesn’t matter if you are six or sixty three – Mother’s Day can be hard to manage when your Mum has died. There’s no right or wrong way, but here are some ideas from others who miss their Mum and how they deal with the day.
You can also download these tips to read and share, if easier.
Check in with yourself
If it’s the first year without your Mum, have a plan, but allow flexibility to change plans depending on how you feel. Remember that the anticipation is sometimes worse than the event.
If it’s not the first year, then take some time before the day to think about the feelings that are around this year. Don’t assume that what was felt before will be felt again now – feelings change over time.
Keep it simple
Keep things simple, try not to get sucked into the hype. Think of ‘Mothering Sunday’ as the day we celebrate all those in a mothering role and who care for us (which can include single dads/ grandparents etc) rather than the more limited ‘Mothers’ day’.
Look after yourself
Be gentle on yourself and do what is right for you. It may be that you feel it important to ‘be there’ with other family members, but if time for yourself feels important, make sure you get some!
Look for the things that nourish you; do what you want, not what you think will suit others. Talk, cry, laugh, remember.
Make new memories
Doing something special to remember your Mum can be an important part of Mother’s Day and a great comfort for some families. You may wish to continue a tradition, or start a new one. What matters most is that, as far as possible, you are able to do whatever feels right for you and your family. If you do decide on the day that you don’t want to do the thing you have planned, then that’s ok too.
Here are some ideas you might like to try:
- Light a candle
- Visit the grave
- Create a memory box full of the colours and objects your Mum would like
- Listen to her favourite song, or eat her favourite food
- Visit a significant place
- Go on her favourite walk
- Plant something special in the garden
- Go to a place your mother liked
- Look at some photos
- Wear your Mum’s favourite colour
- Talk to someone close to you
- Share what’s on your mind with family or friends.
Talking to someone close to you can really help to ease feelings of loneliness, and if you and your family need extra help then please contact us here at Families in Grief. We are here for you and your family.